Washington Insiders Go Postal On House Vote; Freedom Of Information Requests Allegedly Tell Story
By Danny Schechter - 09/29/08
What They Said To Each Other As Markets Melted

New York, New York: While the world watched in disbelief as the House rejected the Government’s bailout, The Dissector Institute of Plunderology was sent alleged, unverified, but seemingly accurate Freedom of Information documents monitored by sources in Homeland Security on what purports to be the secret communications between key players in Washington.

Tweet, Tweet Twitter on Vote: George Bush to Robert Gates: “Code Red xyxjxkokk9…Democracy Out of Control…When do Troops get Here? This Sucker Could Go Down.”

Text: Barney To Nancy: “Told You To Hang Tough on Bankruptcy…”

Text Reply: Nancy to Barney: “You Are FOS? Go To Your Schul.”

Call: Paulson To Ben Bernanke: “Back To The Drawing Boards!”

Voice Mail: Ben Bernanke to Alan Greenspan: “What Do I Do Now?”

Greenspan reply: “Restore Confidence. Read My Book.”

Fax: Gingrich to Paulson: “Time To Go.”

Voice Mail: Cheney to W: “I told you, Declare State of Emergency.”

Palin to McCain: “Call Not Answered.”

Voice Mail: McCain Calls Bush: “You Wanted to Help Me?”

Text: Obama To Biden: “Oh Shit, Why Did I support it?”

Biden Replies: “I will blame Palin. She could have stopped the Revolt.”

Statement By Treasury Official On Why Bailout was for $700 Billion: “It’s not based on any particular data point, We just wanted to choose a really large number.”

Email: Jim Cramer to Dr. Melfi: “They rejected my advice. Can’t get out of bed. Please double my medication.”

Memo: Staff to Stephen Colbert: “Some Words For THE WORD:
Disgust, Fear, Anxiety Worry, Panic, Shana Tova.”

Rep John Boehmer, House Republican Leader to Press About His Members Voting No: “You Can’t Break Their Arms.”

Nancy To Press: “What Happened Today Cannot Stand.”

Greg Walden (R-Oregon) to press: “This is Like Playing With Fire.”

Call: McCain to Bernanke and Paulson: “Now Is Not The Time To Fix Blame.”

Thomas Mann, Brookings Institution to Press: “I don’t think this was a failure of leadership so much as a failure of Followship.”

Barney Frank to Press: “Republicans Were Punishing The Country Because A Pelosi Speech Hurt their Feelings.”

Bob Herbert to NY Times Readers: “Now We Are Looking At the Abyss.”

Letter From Michael Moore: “Everyone said the bill would pass. The masters of the universe were already making celebratory dinner reservations at Manhattan’s finest restaurants. Personal shoppers in Dallas and Atlanta were dispatched to do the early Christmas gifting. Mad Men of Chicago and Miami were popping corks and toasting each other long before the morning latte run… no one could remember a time when a bill supported by the president and the leadership of both parties went down in defeat. That just never happens.”

Competitive Institute Release: “Oh Happy Day.”

Comments in Harper’s Org: “’I didn’t see any sign,’ said Representative Barney Frank, ‘of our Republican colleagues paying any attention to him whatsoever.’ ‘All he has done,’ said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of McCain, ‘is stand in front of the cameras.’ ‘He was my dear,’ said former Brazilian beauty queen Maria Garcinda Teixeira de Jesus, 77, who had a tryst with McCain in 1957, ‘and my coconut dessert.’”

– News Dissector Danny Schechter is still analyzing/inventing insider documents but wanted to share the first batch. His new book PLUNDER (newsdissector.com/Plunder) assesses the origins of the crisis without tongue in cheek. Other documents welcome. Comments to Dissector@mediachannel.org